Health & safety - sparks do fly

Working in a purpose built school means 99% of things are well constructed and in fully functioning order.  However, step outside and it’s amazing how many corners are cut to save time and money.  The Vietnamese have a very make do and mend attitude – a thrifty nation who will reuse and recycle anything they can to save a dong or two thousand.  A former colleague and ISO 9001 aficionado would have a field day here, on his own personal mission to ensure all things health and safety are brought to the masses.

 

A couple of weeks ago, whilst waiting at my favourite frappuccino stall for a hit of caffeine creaminess, I watched open-mouthed as a young lad was lowered down a four storey building on a very basic harness, with only a pot of paint and roller for company.  Barefooted, he slowly worked his way down the face of the building coating it in a rather garish shade of what I imagine is branded as ‘Google l green’.  His friend stood precariously on the flat roof of the building, clutching the end of the ‘piece of string’ from which our painter was suspended.  Before I knew it my frozen frap was ready and I wandered back to school, giving the building a wide berth, wondering what would happen when he neared the base (which housed a canopy and fruit stall beneath).  There don’t appear to be any green footprints visible, so I assume he was lowered to the road successfully, rather than doing a Spiderman impersonation back to the roof.  To all those who thought I was crackers for sky diving and bungy jumping take note: this is far more dangerous.

 

On the same street, whilst waiting for a chicken kebab (a favourite lunch time nibble for our teachers) I saw Vietnam’s answer to BT: three men who looked like they were competing in a tug of war competition as they pulled with all their might on a power cable.  Their colleague meanwhile was perched across the road on a bamboo ladder which leant precariously against a telegraph wire.  From here he cut one of the fifty or so wires that were wound round the pole.  Any Guider would have been shocked by the disorganisation and distinct lack of square lashing!  I had visions of it all going terribly wrong, the three men falling in to the middle of the road as the tension on the wire vanished and an angry local running out of their flat shouting something about their electricity not working!  Alas, this didn’t happen – somehow it all seemed to go smoothly.

 

Loosely translated: High voltage lethal

  

As you know (from ‘random observations’ post - Thursday, 31st March 2011) pavements here can resemble obstacle courses.  Amongst the usual things you find on them (scooters, street sellers etc) you occasionally stumble (quite literally) upon others that really ought to be elsewhere.  People repairing scooters, cutting fruit with their machetes, and using highly toxic spray paints (without any safety equipment of course) are a few that spring to mind.  Granted, the instructions may say ‘use in a ventilated area’, but I don’t think they quite meant the middle of Tran Hung Dao Street!  Laying concrete bare-footed is also common place here – madness!    Using an umbrella can be an interesting experience as bare wires hang at head height and create some impressive sparks when the rain comes.

 

During our time in Hanoi, Mr Amy and I found ourselves frequently crossing the train lines that divide the city.  Cutting across the middle of Dien Bien Phu, pedestrians and traffic alike merrily go on their way, tootling across the tracks.  Don’t get me wrong, the usual level crossing signs and gates do exist (even if they are a little flimsy), but we never did see anyone working there.  Some locals live only a few metres from the tracks, hanging their laundry up and washing their dishes as trains speed by.

  Property available - close to local amenities and public transport!

 

Vietnamese law states that all drivers and passengers must wear bike helmets whilst travelling on the roads.  This does however seem to be open to interpretation.  Bicycle helmets, made of foam and covered in plastic appear to be sufficient, rather than the type we in the west wear on motorcycles.  I myself am the proud(!) owner of one very attractive, company branded ‘bicycle helmet’ and feel it would offer little or no protection in the event of me going arse-over-tit off a xe-om.  Wearing flip flops, shorts and a vest top whilst riding also provides far from adequate protection in a crash, but this climate doesn’t exactly lend itself to wearing leathers.

 

So, we all have to wear helmets, but are there any rules about carrying things on scooters?  It would appear not.  Here is a short list of some things I can recall seeing on a single scooter:

 

A family of five,

Three computer hard drives,

Twelve crates of beer,

Eight large sacks of rice,

A three-foot tall flower arrangement (being held by the driver who couldn’t view anything to the left of him as a result)

Four two-foot blocks of ice,

Approx twenty trays of quails eggs,

Approx forty bags of live fish,

A fridge (yes, really – on my first day too!)

And a hands free kit consists of wedging your mobile phone between your ear and bike helmet chin strap!

I’m sure I could write about countless more safety scenarios, but after a while they become the norm, and as such, far less memorable.

A xx

Food thoughts

I find it totally baffling that I have yet to write about this, one of my favourite topics.  For a skinny lass I can eat.  Anyone who knows me is amazed by my miraculous metabolism and the sheer volume of food I can pack away - particularly when it comes to anything covered in chocolate, caramel or ice cream (don’t bother with the crude comments – I’ll have thought of them all long before you can type them)!  Upon my arrival in Saigon I went out for a curry with a group of fellow new recruits, after ordering a portion of rice and garlic naan with my meal I was told, in no uncertain terms, by a rather cocky young lad that I obviously had eyes bigger than my belly and would definitely not be able to consume the entire lot.  My answer was simple: watch and learn.  Needless to say – the only thing he was eating were his words!

Saigon is full to bursting with food floggers: from street sellers to top notch restaurants and everything in between.  You would be hard pushed to starve here – even the pickiest of eaters seem to find somewhere that caters for their needs and budget.  From fried noodles or crepes at 60p a go, or high end French cuisine at western prices, it all hits the spot.

Smiling Saigonese street sellers

Having briefly mentioned (see ‘Vietnetta-namese: possible pronunciation problems’ post – Friday, 1 April 2011) noodle man, wonton woman, smoothie man, cake man and squid man, I now find myself on first name terms with smoothie man – Hoa, and his wife Thuy.  Conveniently located less than a minute’s walk from my front door, I visit them about four times a week.  They make THE best smoothies I have ever tasted.  What is their secret?  Is it the fresh produce bought that morning from the local market?  Put bluntly, no!  Although the fruit here is fresher and juicier than any other their secret is the condensed milk that goes in to their drinks.  It’s like catnip – people just can’t get enough of this sweet treat.

As well as every conceivable type of fruit (and vegetable) smoothie, Hoa and Thuy have recently branched out, making fresh ham and cheese crepes, complete with lashings of chilli sauce: the French colonial influence meets Asia head on.  Along with the usual free offering of trà đá (iced jasmine tea) the pair often offer up other freebies to look after one of their most valued customers.  Last week, upon finishing my crepe, a plate of fruit appeared, not being the font of knowledge when it comes to tropical fruit, I had no idea what they were.  Resembling small, hairy new potatoes I was a little apprehensive, but curious to try them.  Hoa’s English is reasonably good, but he only knew their Vietnamese name: bon bon (thanks to trusty Google for helping me find the English term: langsat).  These little fruits have a grapefruit flavour without the tartness and made a refreshing and healthy dessert.  Thanks to the mother of my ‘most improved’ Jumpstart pupil for bringing me a gift of more bon bons last weekend.  A very thoughtful and well received gesture.  I think they all feel the need to feed me up!

I now find myself eating vast quantities of unidentifiable foods or things I could previously barely tolerate.  A prime example of this is fish sauce.  Pungent and prevalent in nearly all dishes here, it’s hard to avoid.  When served as a side to main meals when I first arrived here I would leave well alone, but over time it’s grown to be an integral part of many meals and I have been known to return to my local street sellers to request a bag of the stuff when they’ve forgotten to add it to my order.

BBQ pork, spring rolls, mince, noodles, veg & fish sauce

Chilli is another food I could not previously tolerate as well as I can now.  I have never been a fan of bland food.  I like big, bold, punchy flavours with a bit of kick - the more garlic, ginger or lemongrass in my food the better.  But chilli, no no no – this was something to steer well clear of, unless it came in the form of the very moreish Blue Dragon sweet chilli sauce.  Inevitably in Asia, it’s hard to avoid the real deal.  Soy sauce is often served in small dishes to accompany boiled rice.  Floating within it come slices of red chilli, seeds and all to add an extra kick.  Chilli slices, chilli seeds in oil and the not so traditional MSG-filled squeezy chilli sauces all adorn the tables of street cafes: and I love it! 

Pull up a plastic pew - street food is best

MSG – now here’s the thing.  Monosodium glutamate: in the western world we are used to this being added to takeaways as a ‘flavour enhancer’.  As additives go, this is the big boy in these parts and I was most astonished to find an entire aisle dedicated to bags of it in the expat supermarket Lottemart.  Many street sellers actively encourage you to add the contents of their ‘salt cellar’ to your food.  At this point, and not being one to add salt to food anyway, my enlarged sceptic gland kicks in once again – it may look like salt, but you can bet your bottom dollar it isn’t mere NaCl.  My tolerance to it, or skill at avoiding it, appears to be quite good.  As far as I know I have had no ill effects from ingesting it, but you never quite know what you’re eating here, which just adds to fun.

Sometimes, you think you know exactly what you’re ordering, but second guess yourself when the flavours merge in your mouth. Tofu – not something I’d ever tasted before arriving in ‘Nam.  Having been raised on every conceivable type of game meat, tofu was far from a staple part of my childhood diet.  However, the vegetarian cuisine here is actually very good and I’ll head down to one of my two favourite veggie restaurants when I need a hit of chlorophyll cuisine.  Most of these places offer ‘fake meat’ versions of popular dishes, which are so good you often doubt it is ‘fake’.  Tofu, marinated in fish sauce and wrapped in seaweed is a very convincing alternative to sardines, with the texture of the tofu even flaking apart like the real deal.

So as far as savoury stuff goes I’m living like a king.  There’s just one problem – the chocolate and cakes here are, on the whole, terrible!  As a self confessed chocoholic with a chronic sweet tooth, I would like to personally praise Mars for being the only manufacturers to supply a chocolate bar tasting something like its English equivalent.  The dangerous discovery of caramel and coffee cheesecakes at Highlands Coffee (VN’s version of Starbucks) is also most welcomed after 6 months of unsatisfactory sweet stuff.  On the plus side, the local coffee stall near work makes amazing caramel coffee frappuccinos at 65p each – so it’s not all bad.

A dangerous discovery

Enough talk, more action – time for dinner now, hmmm what to have tonight?!

A xx

Poncho power!

Yes, the inevitable has happened – rainy season is upon us: short, torrential downpours during afternoons or evenings, varying in frequency.  It’s quite refreshing at times and can take the edge off the heat: on the flip side it can also be a pain in the posterior. Saigon seemingly transforms in to something of a running sewer over these months.  This time of year also adds to the joy of teaching young learners, as they come in to school smelling of wet dog.  You know the scent.  Each child brings with them their own unique variety of little wet dog smell – which all combine, with the help of the air conditioning, leading to a gut wrenching stench upon entering class – not good.

Scenes on the roads here are astonishing enough at the best of times, but a sudden downpour causes literally every scooter on the road to pull over, drivers and passengers alike hopping off to don their plastic ponchos: this season’s fashion must have.  Some poncho-less passengers even resort to crouching underneath the back of their driver’s rainwear and spend the journey viewing little more than their chauffer’s butt crack!  Those who prefer to view the back of their driver’s crash helmet (as is the norm) opt for a double head-hole poncho. Practical, until one or both of you want to get off the scooter!  Having shared a poncho with a friend whilst leaving a music festival in the UK a few years ago, I can vouch for the fact that this is less than ideal, especially if the two of you vary in height!  It still makes me laugh to think of the confusion and distress we caused to drunken/high passersby at 5am who must have thought they were hallucinating – seeing a two headed, four legged woman walking towards them!  Anyway, I digress…

Ponchos do not only cover people, hell no – they are also used to keep bikes dry - whilst riding: draped over the front of the scooter to prevent the driver from getting wet hands, this method also serves to illuminate the streets with a cacophony of colours. Some ponchos avoid this and have specifically designed clear plastic sections where the front headlight should be, most however do not, so you see all sorts of strangely coloured lights moving along at night.  I have yet to see a person on foot wearing one of these strategically placed clear plastic parts, but fear I may give them a double take as it would no doubt inappropriately draw attention to their crotchal region: Vietnam’s answer to the rainy season flasher’s mac!

A double head-hole poncho covering hands, headlight and mirrors

I sometimes think a dry suit would have been a better purchase than jelly shoes & my beautiful purple and pink plastic poncho (pictured below).  Don’t think I need a snorkel quite yet though – most vertically challenged locals don’t seem to suffer from sludge on the lungs!  It’s still a damn sight better than the climate in the UK though so I can’t complain too much!

A xx

Miss you a lot, miss you not…

After more than 6 months of life in Vietnam there are certain things you come to miss about home, as well as some you can definitely do without. A few are listed below:

Miss you a lot…

My family & friends,

Fresh air,

Cooking,

Rosé wine,

‘English’ Chinese food,

Good quality chocolate,

Krispy Kreme doughnuts,

Shoe shops that stock my size,

Open spaces containing nothing but greenery,
Being easily understood when I want something,

Being able to use a handbag without fear of having it snatched,

The convenience of paying by debit card - its cash only over here.

Miss you not…

Overpriced everything,

Dull, grey, cold weather,

Lack of daylight hours,

Boring 9-5 office jobs,

Pointless party political preaching,

Coins – nothing but notes in 'Nam (waterproof, rip-proof polymer ones at that),
Cutlery - chopsticks are the way forward,

Hearing stranger’s mind-numbing conversations in public places – when they’re uttered in a language you can’t understand, who cares what they’re waffling on about!

A xx